I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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