Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
