i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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