Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is classic penis vs brain.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
