He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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