the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
