You just made me feel so damn special
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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