I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hippo gnu deer
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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