I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
