I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize