remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
