do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
