I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
