I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
