just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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