He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
