So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
