Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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