Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
