I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize