i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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