As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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