I will die if light touches me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
