You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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