Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize