soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
