I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
where does the pee come out of this thing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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