we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The best revenge is premature balding
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
