My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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