Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't deserve a penis
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
