the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
