Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
