can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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