a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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