Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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