Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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