college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
