Apparently you make a good broom.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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