drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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