I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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