Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
