Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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