fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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