omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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