youre lurking in front of me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and she was petting her beer can
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
