i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
