I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
