can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
