Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
