I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am available for nakedness
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
