Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
