Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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