So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
