i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
