if you like me you must not know who I am
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
