grandma shit on top of the toilet
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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