a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
