I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize