I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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