if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
