I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
