Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
