I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
