That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
