Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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