Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
