a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
