Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize