She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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