Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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