How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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