life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
