I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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