Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
