I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
