Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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