Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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