mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
