Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
