you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
