so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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