You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
