is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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