I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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