Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
