areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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