gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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