69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
false alarm, still single
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