Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize