Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
