i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
