I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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