is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
