We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
