lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
