this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
