Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize